Grand Opening!

Today is a great day for America.  Eyelash Ballad has officially made its debut online.  Now a casual observer may make the assumption that we are simply a copy off the Emmy-winning blog, Moustache Salad (who threw a great party on MLK eve.)  However, I can assure you that any similarities in our names are merely coincidence.

Until recently, Moustache Salad had an illegal monopoly on the market of facial-hair enthusiasts, which was in strict violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act.  However, we will offer the news in a very different manner.  Moustache plays to a much more sophisticated, intellectual audience.  They use complicated words like "superficiality" and "Sufjan Stevens" which mainstream American can't understand.  And what do Stalin, Lenin, Hitler, and Castro all have in common besides their hate for America?  Moustaches.

In fact according to a recent poll the average reader of their blog consumed less than 7.6 pounds of Appple Pie and Hamburgers a week.  What were they using to supplement their appetites?  I don't know for sure, but my best guess would be salad.  (Not very American.)

In contrast, we here at Eyelash Ballad cherish American values like football, Ford trucks, bombing countries, CO2 emissions, and obesity.  Yes, we stand up for you, the hard-working American with a 9 to 5 job in manual labor who cannot name the vice-president or point to California on the map.

We will keep a careful watch on all conspiracies.  And under our watchful eye, the media will never again be able to get away with something as atrocious as faking a moon landing.  Since we are a blog of the people, please post any potential conspiracies that you would like us to LASH.  Thankyou and have a nice day.