How to Stay Safe

It's an unsafe world these days and recently the campus of Truman State University has been particularly dangerous.

 Situated in small Kirksville (Methland) Missouri, Truman has in recent time been a hotbed of criminal activity and intense drug trafficking.  

In fact, not long ago an intruder was caught sneaking through the, once thought to be unpenetrable fortress, known as Dobson Hall.  Then, a thief was caught stealing items in the Student Recreation Center.  Next, a band of ninja thieves trashed the Centennial Hall elevators to the point that they had to close them down.  Recently, the university has been forced to start testing for HIV.  Thats when you know its bad.

To enhance your comfort level, Eyelash Ballad has compiled a list of extra steps you should take to ensure your security.  Together we can keep Truman safe.

1. Always carry a weeks worth of food and water wherever you go on campus.  (Especially to class)

2. Bring a flashlight.  You never know when the lights (or the sun) will unexpectedly go out.

3. Every ten minutes or so dial the number 911 on your phone but don't press send.  Then, when danger arises all you will have to do is press one button for immediate protection.

4. Skip classes every once in a while.  Particularly skip ones where most people would expect you to show up; like test day for a professor who doesn't allow make-up exams.

5. Create a secret word for danger, but DONT TELL ANYONE your word.  Then, when a dangerous situation arises, whisper the word several times to yourself.  That way your body will know you are in trouble.

6. If at all possible avoid walking in the general vicinity of Dobson Hall.

7. Don't run with scissors.