Andrew Jackson For President

With the primaries closing in across the country, many people are asking EyelashBallad who we endorse for the election.

After consideration of all the candidates we have chosen to support Andrew Jackson.  

The former president is surely a supporter of Eyelash Ballad.  After all he was famous for the Trail of Tears, and tears perpetrate from the eyelash region.

As the country is falling apart we need to elect a president with american values like Andrew Jackson (who was the first president born here.)  I know what your saying...he's not alive stop wasting our time.  Well, how do you know he's dead.  Have you seen his bare corpse?  Trust me on this one Andrew Jackson defined badass.  And there's nothing more badass than faking your death.  He survived the first assassination attempt, publicly humiliated his vice-president til he resigned, ignored a Supreme Court decision (when they declared the trail of tears unconstitutional), and fought in many duels in several of which he killed his opponent.  I can't picture Hilary Clinton or Barack Obama killing anyone in a duel.  And honestly, how can we trust a president that has never killed someone over an argument and then watched them slowly bleed to death.

Now, again you might question the electability of Jackson.  I mean yeah he probably wouldn't carry the African-american or women vote, but at least native americans can't vote.  Besides he has free advertising on the twenty dollar bill.  That beats any campaign slogan.  I mean who doesn't like 20 dollar bills.

Right now his chances might appear bleak, but candidates are dropping out like flies. Say John McCain randomly dies (I mean he is like 80) that would leave no non-mormon white male frontrunners, and surely open the door for Jackson....or Ron Paul.